for many of us, we're always in search of something that satisfies us. and once you're out of school, we'll be looking for a job, a career that satisfies us. and for me, i've asked God again, and again what is it..where is this job/career that i'll be satisfied in (sometimes you never know until you're in it). and never once does he give me an answer....other than a soft whisper somewhere over my head telling me trust me, I know the plans I have for you.
so what am i to do while trusting Him and knowing that He knows the plans He has for me? waiting is an excruciating game. and when waiting is a false hope which turned out what you didn't expect, it's a bummer. just when you thought all this expectations and hoping is over, reality hits you on the face with some out-of-the-world reasons for the change in plans. now i'm in a limbo.
tho i felt cheated waiting for 1mth without much of a good reply...at least the person was sorry for the unfortunate course of events. and at least my current office is in a holiday season this 1mth so while i had a mild interest in my office going-ons, i was still able to survive being in-transition.
" People who look to God and have God-centered lives seem to have a better focus on life’s issues. They have a better understanding of their purpose in the world. They know that worldly possessions really don’t matter, and what really matters in life is having a relationship with God." Out of Focus by Josh Oliphant
gosh what will i do without God? i'll be lost so lost...even tho i feel kind lost now...but He's there to cling on to, to wonder out loud with, to seek peace, hear guidance, and find comforting presence.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Weekend triva
Chinese new year is one of the longest holidays most people seem to have...and my buddy & i went sentosa! other than the skin-burning weather, it was quite a pretty display of flowers and nursery rhyme characters. i'm amazed how much change sentosa went through in such a short time (or mayb it's because i've not been there for a long time)
and i wondered why he's so shocked seeing Y's sunglasses...so i was shocked too
after that we found trekked to Cafe Del Mar, really nice setting though the food price was a little above average...but acceptable. we shared this braised chicken for $22 and the $10 fish & chips (it's under the starters menu)
we just had to take our mocktails (which is a whopping $8!) outside to lounge by the beach with the rest of the suntanners....chatting and eventually dozing off under the shade..but oh no..the UV rays still penetrate through the blue umbrella shade. grr.. nxt time we gotta go for the sunset...when it's cooler and i don't always have to squint my eyes to enjoy the beach view.
today it was outing with my chicpie & steady. sadly The French Stall wasn't open (closed for CNY) and the vietnamese food restaurant wasn't open either (closed for CNY too!!) so we tried out Giraffe which was ok. only the space was spectacular...but eh...this was my dinner.
i thought salad would be u know...a bit more..but this is quite light & healthy anyway...the white stuff is mozzerella which is quite nice i'd say. but ex :S not worth that $14 i paid
it's fun to be with girlfriends :) talking about stuff we did what we would like to do and like to go...always. and they were so sweet to give me these books for my bday presents.
and i discovered that we could take photos using our tv. ahahhaa....think like the idea of 3G hp. so we did. mummy bought Haagen Dazs ice-cream cake that's irresistable....!
i have so much in mind i wanted to write but resorted to all these photos in the end.
i need to be inspired.
and it's irritating that i'm so sleepy on sundays...or more like sunday mornings. and i'm so effective and awake at night i can't bear to try to sleep early and try getting something done (other than housework) in the early mornings.
and i wondered why he's so shocked seeing Y's sunglasses...so i was shocked too
after that we found trekked to Cafe Del Mar, really nice setting though the food price was a little above average...but acceptable. we shared this braised chicken for $22 and the $10 fish & chips (it's under the starters menu)
we just had to take our mocktails (which is a whopping $8!) outside to lounge by the beach with the rest of the suntanners....chatting and eventually dozing off under the shade..but oh no..the UV rays still penetrate through the blue umbrella shade. grr.. nxt time we gotta go for the sunset...when it's cooler and i don't always have to squint my eyes to enjoy the beach view.
today it was outing with my chicpie & steady. sadly The French Stall wasn't open (closed for CNY) and the vietnamese food restaurant wasn't open either (closed for CNY too!!) so we tried out Giraffe which was ok. only the space was spectacular...but eh...this was my dinner.
i thought salad would be u know...a bit more..but this is quite light & healthy anyway...the white stuff is mozzerella which is quite nice i'd say. but ex :S not worth that $14 i paid
it's fun to be with girlfriends :) talking about stuff we did what we would like to do and like to go...always. and they were so sweet to give me these books for my bday presents.
and i discovered that we could take photos using our tv. ahahhaa....think like the idea of 3G hp. so we did. mummy bought Haagen Dazs ice-cream cake that's irresistable....!
i have so much in mind i wanted to write but resorted to all these photos in the end.
i need to be inspired.
and it's irritating that i'm so sleepy on sundays...or more like sunday mornings. and i'm so effective and awake at night i can't bear to try to sleep early and try getting something done (other than housework) in the early mornings.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
i'm going sentosa tmr
but i'm writing nothing about it now. because for some reason i'm blogging and ah...for some reason i'm not in a too bloggy mood these few days. either there's other things more urgent to attend to or i just got no mood. like the words leave be when i come up to blog. quite mafan trying to pick the letters back and the thoughts that have floated all around the room and swept outside through my windy house.
i love it that our house is so windy. (but oh the dust the dust!) and meanwhile we bask in the enjoyment of each other's company and privacy of our home. there's always some housework to do, the neverending washing and ironing, vacuuming, steaming, cleaning...but heh heh...the cups get left around with no one to bother them, things get messed up..and no one complains..(except me). i can lounge at the sofa and nua like no one's business at any time of the day, turn on the tv and fall asleep at any part of my house (i love naps but i have only fallen asleep on the 2 sofas and our bed so far).
and....the ura has yet to call yet such that i wonder if they are alive or not. :S or mayb they're still holidaying. gosh it's such a long wait!
i love it that our house is so windy. (but oh the dust the dust!) and meanwhile we bask in the enjoyment of each other's company and privacy of our home. there's always some housework to do, the neverending washing and ironing, vacuuming, steaming, cleaning...but heh heh...the cups get left around with no one to bother them, things get messed up..and no one complains..(except me). i can lounge at the sofa and nua like no one's business at any time of the day, turn on the tv and fall asleep at any part of my house (i love naps but i have only fallen asleep on the 2 sofas and our bed so far).
and....the ura has yet to call yet such that i wonder if they are alive or not. :S or mayb they're still holidaying. gosh it's such a long wait!
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
quick update
i'm so slow..i think i'm not in a blogging mood with so many things to do b4 cny and all that. i can barely remember what happened other than we have watched too much movies that i got a headache...
so yes...we started the movie watching on valentine's starting with brownie ice-cream, brownies bought from this brownie shop at taka. went shopping with my mil to buy cny stuff, saw this horror customer which i hope he didn't see me (SG is so super small..), and bought new curtains...deep red (which now has made our room more like hotel room..cos it's still dark in the mornings...and that's why we've been oversleeping the past day or two).
so movie no.1 - Spanglish. Rating: **
meaningful story but so so
and for the 1st time i went to chinatown during cny season
it isn't as bad as the horror muachee packed stories i heard..but the deco really, some are like kids play.
but in attempt to inject some cny-ness to our home i bought this paper cutting i've been raving abt since i saw it at raffles city..this small one is $1 while i bought another larger one for $5...cheaper than at raffles city. not much since i can't stand those drama colourful decos. so...hmm..i wonder if i'll be too lazy to take it out..gee.
reunion dinner was the start of all the gorging and endless eating. this is like 5 times what we 9 ppl and 3 kids can eat...not forgettng the bowl of shark fin and the laoyusheng we ate before this.
and cny is great time to see the boys..esp the smallest one catching up on the walking, talking and mischief.
and they mutilated the snake while they were here...poor snake it had quite a hard time being wrapped around, twisted, rubbed at the gate (so now it's kinda blacked & dirty), and dragged all over the floor. it's interesting how they aren't too afraid of it like some of my other stuffed toys...maybe it looked too friendly.
no.2 is still so cute...
he's so drama!
some cny-ness for the next 13 days! (and i still got 2 more movies to clear watching...i borrowed 7..it's mad).
meanwhile hoping for some good news this coming week.
it's Ash Wed this wed. how timely...preparing for gd friday once the cny public holidays r over.
so yes...we started the movie watching on valentine's starting with brownie ice-cream, brownies bought from this brownie shop at taka. went shopping with my mil to buy cny stuff, saw this horror customer which i hope he didn't see me (SG is so super small..), and bought new curtains...deep red (which now has made our room more like hotel room..cos it's still dark in the mornings...and that's why we've been oversleeping the past day or two).
so movie no.1 - Spanglish. Rating: **
meaningful story but so so
and for the 1st time i went to chinatown during cny season
it isn't as bad as the horror muachee packed stories i heard..but the deco really, some are like kids play.
but in attempt to inject some cny-ness to our home i bought this paper cutting i've been raving abt since i saw it at raffles city..this small one is $1 while i bought another larger one for $5...cheaper than at raffles city. not much since i can't stand those drama colourful decos. so...hmm..i wonder if i'll be too lazy to take it out..gee.
reunion dinner was the start of all the gorging and endless eating. this is like 5 times what we 9 ppl and 3 kids can eat...not forgettng the bowl of shark fin and the laoyusheng we ate before this.
and cny is great time to see the boys..esp the smallest one catching up on the walking, talking and mischief.
and they mutilated the snake while they were here...poor snake it had quite a hard time being wrapped around, twisted, rubbed at the gate (so now it's kinda blacked & dirty), and dragged all over the floor. it's interesting how they aren't too afraid of it like some of my other stuffed toys...maybe it looked too friendly.
no.2 is still so cute...
he's so drama!
some cny-ness for the next 13 days! (and i still got 2 more movies to clear watching...i borrowed 7..it's mad).
meanwhile hoping for some good news this coming week.
it's Ash Wed this wed. how timely...preparing for gd friday once the cny public holidays r over.
Monday, February 12, 2007
unbloggy
it's been quite a while since i've blogged and i can't remember what has happened in between. whops. now we're preparing for cny and i'm sorting all my mess and organizing things and by this friday to clean up, decorate and sort out our house...(it's new but still dust has not spared us, few days of neglect on any horizontal surface breeds new colony of dust)
oh quite a bit happened since then anyway, celebrated 2 family birthdays, my mum's and meimei one (both fall on jan) and many other friends and colleagues ones. then a few events, out running around with my buddy..and just over the weekend my cell had a retreat at batam which left some of us with quite a tan (not frm deliberate sun-tanning but while we were searching for that go-cart place which the hotel staff told us was just a 5 min walk...oh we took abt 20mins in the 1pm sun). so lots of scorching sun, some splashes in the pool, go-carting, seafood somewhere far, cell time, personal retreat time (within our 3hr bfast at the hotel), some shopping, ministry at the church there and home. seems like just a short time yet so long...but it was a good time to get out of SG and spend time together.
this was our trek in search for the go-cart...now there were 5 of us only, who did we get to take this photo? (esp when the place was like a ghost town at that hour)
sea food place by the sea!
oh quite a bit happened since then anyway, celebrated 2 family birthdays, my mum's and meimei one (both fall on jan) and many other friends and colleagues ones. then a few events, out running around with my buddy..and just over the weekend my cell had a retreat at batam which left some of us with quite a tan (not frm deliberate sun-tanning but while we were searching for that go-cart place which the hotel staff told us was just a 5 min walk...oh we took abt 20mins in the 1pm sun). so lots of scorching sun, some splashes in the pool, go-carting, seafood somewhere far, cell time, personal retreat time (within our 3hr bfast at the hotel), some shopping, ministry at the church there and home. seems like just a short time yet so long...but it was a good time to get out of SG and spend time together.
this was our trek in search for the go-cart...now there were 5 of us only, who did we get to take this photo? (esp when the place was like a ghost town at that hour)
sea food place by the sea!
Friday, February 02, 2007
Delirious
I feel delirious.
"in an acutely disturbed state of mind resulting from illness or intoxication and characterized by restlessness, illusions, and incoherence of thought and speech" ~ Webster dictionary
or
"in a state of wild excitement or estacy" ~ Webster dictionary
i think i take the 2nd meaning
when your hopes are hoped.
when the unexpected is good.
gonna miss my buddy though
and my buddy went to queue up for the famed Donut factory this time. i accompanied her till 6pm cos i had tuition. but she took 2 times the time i took. 4.5hrs! yeah...she said it was the craziest thing she did so far. and with all the efforts...i of cos i asked her to buy a dozen for me too. will get to see it later!! and gonna share some with my mil...who's making kueh lapis (she makes the most sinful and delicious ones) and share some with my sis if its not gone by the time she reaches it.
"in an acutely disturbed state of mind resulting from illness or intoxication and characterized by restlessness, illusions, and incoherence of thought and speech" ~ Webster dictionary
or
"in a state of wild excitement or estacy" ~ Webster dictionary
i think i take the 2nd meaning
when your hopes are hoped.
when the unexpected is good.
gonna miss my buddy though
and my buddy went to queue up for the famed Donut factory this time. i accompanied her till 6pm cos i had tuition. but she took 2 times the time i took. 4.5hrs! yeah...she said it was the craziest thing she did so far. and with all the efforts...i of cos i asked her to buy a dozen for me too. will get to see it later!! and gonna share some with my mil...who's making kueh lapis (she makes the most sinful and delicious ones) and share some with my sis if its not gone by the time she reaches it.
Thursday, February 01, 2007
jumbled up thoughts
there were many things to ponder about this week. some things came without my knowing and left me in a jumble. had things to consider and decide.
one of the things was a call at 825am that woke me up from my morning snoozing (had tried to wake up since 7am but unsucessful till this call). it was a call that was completely unexpected and almost forgotten. it's really exciting actually. but not after i have made some decisions and feel bad that i could possibly retract what i have earlier decided. yet it's not something i can be sure about. it's only 1/3 the battle won. then the other step is tmr. and then another 2 gruelling weeks of wait before i get an answer. and as much as i hope for a yes for an answer i'm not sure of my stand for this 2 weeks of wait. where should i pledge allegience to? what if i hope so much for it and got rejected? to be able to get there is almost a dream, it's exciting but i feel bad should i go and leave responsibilites behind. argh. decisions decisions.
and we splurged a lil on our dinner today at coffee bean, i 'needed' to buy shoes for tmr, and ironing board (still in a search after ikea disppointed me by making me go all the way there only to find that the $7.90 one is out of stock!), and Ww's stuff for school.
we talked about this book ($36 for a hardback small book!) by Parker J. Palmer "Let yout life speak. Listening for the voice of Vocation". really good book anway. though we've only read the first few pages so far. i'm still trying to digest what i've read so far...
"Vocation does not come from willfulness. It comes from listening. I nust listen to my life and try to understand what it is truly about - quite apart from what i would like it to be about - or my life will never represent anything real in the world, no matter how earnest my intensions."
people my age are pursuing careers, trying to get married or getting married, finishing their studies, desiring to enjoy the luxuries of a more affluent life with their income and whatsoever. so what was i doing? sometimes i find myself taking quite a weird path from architecture to tuition to inteior design. sometimes i ask myself what's up with me? but life takes different turns and i thank God for these different turns, though sometimes i wondered if i should have made the decision i made then. if only i have stayed. what do i desire? honestly i half don't care about advancing up the corporate ladder, yet sometimes it matters because of the status, the sense of achievement and the salary. but when i step back, i see that this isn't what it is about. it shouldn't be. there is a certain standard route for people like me...finish studies, start working and if you're dating, get married and all those stuff; if you're not find someone or con't to enjoy singlehood; do something fulfilling with your work/career... i don't know what to make out of what i'm saying here anyway maybe coz it's really late and i should be sleeping but i'm just rattling on because i read too much other friends' friends blogs. but there is more to life than this. i know. yet i admit a certain desire to also live the luxurious life, (not a tai-tai life la) but going for some goals in life - holiday trips every year, new wardrobe, a car, a new phone, new camera, designer condo, go for spa, shop shop shop, indulge in the good things essentially. meanwhile we'll sacrifice this for the more meaningful things...because i shouldn't harp on the money issue because i don't feel i earn enough and the expenses (bills, insurances, installments, minor spendings, tv license tax, family dinners and presents, household essentials etc) is rolling in faster than we can say supercalifragelistaspialgotious. but that's ok...i know i need to trust God enough, and that i'm learning about faith and life lessons in money management. God is my best teacher i and need to learn to listen to Him...and trash these things out with Him. i wish i can say i love what i do. i do sometimes but sometimes i don't too. if only things were easier...but God isn't God if He just throws me into nice bed of roses without thorns.
better sleep.
one of the things was a call at 825am that woke me up from my morning snoozing (had tried to wake up since 7am but unsucessful till this call). it was a call that was completely unexpected and almost forgotten. it's really exciting actually. but not after i have made some decisions and feel bad that i could possibly retract what i have earlier decided. yet it's not something i can be sure about. it's only 1/3 the battle won. then the other step is tmr. and then another 2 gruelling weeks of wait before i get an answer. and as much as i hope for a yes for an answer i'm not sure of my stand for this 2 weeks of wait. where should i pledge allegience to? what if i hope so much for it and got rejected? to be able to get there is almost a dream, it's exciting but i feel bad should i go and leave responsibilites behind. argh. decisions decisions.
and we splurged a lil on our dinner today at coffee bean, i 'needed' to buy shoes for tmr, and ironing board (still in a search after ikea disppointed me by making me go all the way there only to find that the $7.90 one is out of stock!), and Ww's stuff for school.
we talked about this book ($36 for a hardback small book!) by Parker J. Palmer "Let yout life speak. Listening for the voice of Vocation". really good book anway. though we've only read the first few pages so far. i'm still trying to digest what i've read so far...
"Vocation does not come from willfulness. It comes from listening. I nust listen to my life and try to understand what it is truly about - quite apart from what i would like it to be about - or my life will never represent anything real in the world, no matter how earnest my intensions."
people my age are pursuing careers, trying to get married or getting married, finishing their studies, desiring to enjoy the luxuries of a more affluent life with their income and whatsoever. so what was i doing? sometimes i find myself taking quite a weird path from architecture to tuition to inteior design. sometimes i ask myself what's up with me? but life takes different turns and i thank God for these different turns, though sometimes i wondered if i should have made the decision i made then. if only i have stayed. what do i desire? honestly i half don't care about advancing up the corporate ladder, yet sometimes it matters because of the status, the sense of achievement and the salary. but when i step back, i see that this isn't what it is about. it shouldn't be. there is a certain standard route for people like me...finish studies, start working and if you're dating, get married and all those stuff; if you're not find someone or con't to enjoy singlehood; do something fulfilling with your work/career... i don't know what to make out of what i'm saying here anyway maybe coz it's really late and i should be sleeping but i'm just rattling on because i read too much other friends' friends blogs. but there is more to life than this. i know. yet i admit a certain desire to also live the luxurious life, (not a tai-tai life la) but going for some goals in life - holiday trips every year, new wardrobe, a car, a new phone, new camera, designer condo, go for spa, shop shop shop, indulge in the good things essentially. meanwhile we'll sacrifice this for the more meaningful things...because i shouldn't harp on the money issue because i don't feel i earn enough and the expenses (bills, insurances, installments, minor spendings, tv license tax, family dinners and presents, household essentials etc) is rolling in faster than we can say supercalifragelistaspialgotious. but that's ok...i know i need to trust God enough, and that i'm learning about faith and life lessons in money management. God is my best teacher i and need to learn to listen to Him...and trash these things out with Him. i wish i can say i love what i do. i do sometimes but sometimes i don't too. if only things were easier...but God isn't God if He just throws me into nice bed of roses without thorns.
better sleep.