On discovering and being discovered by God

Honestly speaking, for at least 2 years i haven't been & felt consistent with God.

I still believe...something that I am very sure about. I loved worshipping God cos it was the closest that i got to Him. I prayed but they were, what i felt, shallow...or in my terms, not deep enough, not reflected enough, not close enough.

I felt like i hung on the belief that God understands my deepest needs and answers them, and while my brain is so scattered and distracted, that belief helped me not to go deeper.
So i get by with prayer, with reading short snips of spiritual/religious books. But i didn't find myself growing closer to God, i didn't find myself knowing Him more and more. While having a new baby who has grown into a curious and cute toddler, i do depend much on His grace & blessings to help us get by. It's especially with challenging tasks, like praying for her to get well, praying for her to learn this and that, praying for her to sleep better etc. I'm not saying that it's not good to pray for these things, it is very necessary. But i was not connected to God. I found God as my requests-pillar. Lord, help me this...Lord help me that. I have not thought hard enough on how i can demonstrate Him in my life, how i can worship Him. Maybe i'm going too much into the nitty gritty stuff but i wish i'm much clearer life than letting things go by me.

Few months back i chanced on a link a friend put on facebook to a sermon on Ecclesiastics by Mark Discholl from MarsHill Church. And i started listening to it, and was so impacted by the sermons that i continued to listen to it (you can check out the website for more sermons on the books of the bible). I'll listen to it at work and 1hr out of the 8.5hrs isn't too bad cos i don't think too much when i'm drafting or rendering images, so i can concentrate on listening.

Recently, i've been listening to the sermon series on Doctorine and God knocked really hard at my door in one of the sermons about worship. It was about who we worship, that if we're not worshipping God, we're worshipping something else; it can be our spouse, our kid/s, the internet, the tv, money, work etc... It's not a type of sermon i have never heard before, but this one convicted me. And i thought about how much time i gave to reading His Word, how much time i gave to really having a conversation with Him as i discover Him in His Word.

It's a stuggle i continue to have, it's my battle i will continue to fight. I have started on reading Proverbs few weeks back...and i'm only at Chapter 8 (you can guess that i've only opened the bible to read 8 times so far). My task isn't too big. Just read a chapter, pick a verse to write, and find out more, then pray. But it's a battle i'll continue to struggle with cos i'll choose many things over this. Yet, inside me, the Holy Spirit continues to nudge me and convicts me. Inside me, that desire to know God and draw close to Him is there. It's like the spirit is willing, the flesh is weak. Yet i will press on till one day i'll break free and find that freedom. God helps. and He's wonderful.

Trying to cook

I'm not a great cook but i can cook occasionally, some dishes here and there. However, when it comes to planning what to cook for the family this week (aka My FIL, Ww, Eliza & Me). It's quite a research thesis. (ok i'm exaggerating) still i had to do some research and do quite a bit of planning.

READING
It all started with reading up on healthy food to cook for Eliza - apart from the porridge she has been eating since she weaned. I'm trying to add more variety to what she has for her meals. Moreover, Sunday is no-porridge day cos we don't have time to cook the porridge in the morning. (we usually have 45mins to 1hr to get out of the house...seems like a lot yet not so)

PLANNING
Plan what to cook. I love western style of cooking and eating...foods like sandwiches, salads, cheese... Well...the rest of the family prefers asian styles...with the exception of Eliza. I try not to cook too cheesy stuff when Ww's dad is eating cos he can't take the taste of cheese. Then i have to plan such that the foods can last or which dishes can match. Somehow it's quite nice to have some soup to go along especially with chinese dishes.

BUYING
I love grocery shopping. Only problem...I need to plan what i need to buy, else i'll be making multiple trips to ntuc. This sunday is grocery shopping day...mainly so that the foods remain as fresh as possible. Stuff like parsley & spring onion don't have a long shelf life.

FEAR of STOCK
Really, so much foods need a good stock base to bring out the flavour of the food. And soups can't go without it. Somehow i can't seem to get around how stocks are cooked...like how do you store them, or it's just bones??, and i can freeze it? Gosh i am puzzled. I've checked out and read many recipes but i just can't imagine those chicken bones, or prawn shells etc and how it can make the water taste better. But i'm going to try to cook my first veg stock to freeze so i can cook soups & noodles & Eliza's meals.

So here i go...cooking for the family.