We are kinda in between now. The plans that we can make is as far as next year and there goes that uncertainty. Uncertain of ...
- whether we'll be able to 'survive' there. ie if i can cook everyday for stuff that's good and healthy for Eliza too.
- how long Ww will take to finish his phd. the aim is 2years so we don't incur so much costs in terms of school fees...by our rough calculation, we have only enough to last us till end of our 2.5yr there.
- what is going to happen after Ww has finished his phd. Will he be able to find a job there? (esp when the demand for history teachers don't seem to be a lot) Will we be coming back to singapore? What will he be doing if he comes back?
- whether we can tolerate the cold (yes cold is nice but i don't quite fancy the idea of living through sub-zero winter...plus Eliza & I have dry skin so loads of moisturizing to be done all over)
- whether we should have continue to try for a baby now or when we're there. I mean we have tried for a year and still no results...seems like the 67% chance of getting pregnant with one less fallopian tube seems more difficult than it sounded to me initially. If we have one now, i'll have to deal with all the changes while being pregnant. If we have one later in Australia, i'll have to deal with all the changes alone with Eliza, in a foreign land. After being so used to having family around to help, I'm not sure if i can manage it alone with a toddler. (somewhat la..tho there's still Ww..but he'll be studying most of the time..which is like working hours)...oh and a toddler who isn't too warmed up to babies.
Sigh...if it's already so difficult to get pregnant (ok i know there're really more people who have difficulties but i kinda hope that Eliza and her sibling's, (if she has one), age be not too far away). Anyway, if it's so difficult, trying again after another year might just mean trying another year without results. :S Amongst all these realities, i'm also so aware that God is the one who is authority over all these things, whether he gives or not give is His blessing and it is a good thing even when i might not think so.
Anyway all this uncertainties is our walking on water. Stepping out in faith, with trust in Him who gives all things abundantly to us. This is something i'll con't to struggle with, with God...but i know His grace is sufficient for us.
