Being a mum, no longer myself

I've been a mum 4 years plus (yup as long as Eliza existed), then i had my mil to help. Ww and I would still have our weekly date nights out to eat, drink coffee, shop - just us. Now with being on our own, and Emily being really stuck on me, it's something i don't think we'll do for quite a while.

I love this article from Mumheart, about embracing and letting go. She writes:
" I sometimes find myself grasping for my former independence. Those moments point me toward the eternal reality that my life is not my own, but Christ's. I am his. In his grace, he has given me to the devoted service and love of my family - as a wife, and as a mother."


It is. My life is not my own. It takes having children to understand it. And I wouldn't understand the fullness of it, if i'm still in SG and having help (great help too!). The beauty of the 'independence' is that it pushes you to learn things, depending on the kindness of others, and also to depend on God even more. In tough times, when Emily doesn't sleep, or Eliza acts up, or Emily is cranky (and I just can't figure out why), or there's meals to plan to cook, or chores to be done, or...the list is endless.

Sometimes I just gotta stand back and enjoy the buzz of it all. In some pockets of the day I play with Emily, watching her explore, tumble on me, chuckle. Love those moments. Or I listen to Eliza's stuffed friend telling me stories. I relish in those times i take to listen to them, to BE with them.

"And that's part of the beautiful and painful journey of motherhood.

It's about refinement and sacrifice. It's about recognizing my inability and selfishness, and then pressing hard onward, completely enveloped in His grace."

I have my selfishness, I want to read and read, go out shopping on my own, yah...on my own..no one to take care of, or spend uninterrupted time talking with friends, do my own hobbies etc.

But i know there will be that time. I shall enjoy this season when my kids are young and adorable, when they need me loads, when they are at this age that passes oh-so-quickly. This season will not come again.

God grant me the grace to do all these and run the household, cook healthy meals for my family, give them myself yet learn how to do all that and find my peace and strength in quietness.