A Mother's heart

I'm reading this book for my devotion time, seeking God how i can grow in my walk with Him as a mum and seeking wisdom to parent...



"Reflecting on this, I realized that although parents have a God-given responsibility for bringing up their children, parents cannot bear the total responsibility of how each child turns out. Rather, our goal as parents is to help our children become mature, because our children must ultimately decide for themselves the direction they will take in life."

Isn't it worrying? That our children won't turn out the way we hope they will? At least that they'll turn out bad? and that we won't parent well due to our negligence, our lack of widsom, our selfishness.
Still, i need to trust in God, and know that everything is in His good hands. This mum journey (that will last till the end of my life), will be God's way of refining me as well, as i learn to guide and teach my children to follow His ways. My prayer is that their presence in this world will also make the world a better place, a light and a blessing to the people around them.

My occasional update

It's been a while hasn't it? I've been enjoying life with Eliza which is really an amazing experience. I feel a lil scatterbrained and seemingly only short-term in my planning of things. Ww's more of the visionary person of our family and this year's of his new role at work has made him rethink a lot of things & explore other options.

We recently watched the movie Singapore Dreaming and there was this tagline about working to pursue our dreams or giving up our dreams to work. which will you choose? I guess that struck a chord in Ww who felt that it made a lot of sense.

this year, a lot of our discussions, other than Eliza, was also on his career path. it's really gonna be easy to stay in what he is doing, the pay is stable and good. he recently considered pursuing a phd, and while it was an option we ever thought about, it wasn't a very real thing then. so will he eventually? there's so much to consider.

On my side? It seems like moving into a different stage of life, work seems to take a backseat. I'm not a career-minded kind of person, i know. I really value being able to stay home to be part of my lil girl's development and growth; and i'm really thankful that my company gives me the flexibilty to work 3 days a week. this really gives me some balance between staying home and working. I'm also really thankful that my mil is willing and able to take care of Eliza during the 3 days i'm at work.

so now what?

Sick and poor

I haven't been writing here because most of the time i'm writing about Eliza.

I'm sick
Since saturday..and it's almost going to be a week, and i've been to the doc twice. Once on monday, and then today. First it was the high fever....then the dizziness, then yesterday while i was out with my girlfriends for dinner, i started to lose my voice!! i feel ok except for the losing voice part. it was so difficult to want to say stuff but all i can squeak out is a whisper or a low low voice.
I hope to get well soon, i'm quite moodless cos i have not motivation to do stuff and the house is a mess.

I'm poor
after being back to work for 4 months, on 3-day week workdays, i'm finally starting to feel the pinch of my lesser salary. it's almost half what i used to earn. while i usually put almost half of what i earn to my credit card bills, i have only been able to put in half of what i used to put in. confusing? anyway i'm putting less in, Ww's paying more instead and our bills haven't gone down. sigh. i haven't given my mum $$ for this month and i dare not talk to her...cos she'll be harping on it, neither would she try to understand my plight. i hope to be able to do so next month, but that also means i can't pay any credit card bills next month. i'm wondering why our bills are so high.....but a lil swipe here, a lil swipe there and it just accumulates. i have not bought any clothes or shoes or bags since at least a month ago already and it's the Great Singapore Sale!! (we spend a lot of food...esp eat outs together, with friends or parents..i think that's the killer)

So some money saving strategies for the rest of the year
1. Eat cheap at work. go for $3-$4 plates, don't buy drinks, don't buy drinks for afternoon snacks, bring food to work instead, don't go Liang Court to buy lunch (it's ex!...sandwiches, jap food, mac etc etc)
2. Don't go out to shopping centres...cos it's just excuse to buy stuff.
3. Cook at home. I need to learn to cook at home or dabao caifan.

I need sleep.......

Grace's birthday wish list

Things money can buy
1. A good back and neck massage
2. A bumper mat for Eliza
3. Watch The Leap Year movie
4. A nice holiday
5. A good backpack as baby's outdoor bag
6. more books!!
7. Money money money anytime...ok it's to buy let's see....Eliza's books, toys, stuff..or a good new pair of shoes, new clothes maybe.

Things not necessarily bought with money
1. Deeper r/s with God
2. Deeper r/s with Ww
3. Good health for my whole family
4. Wisdom to parent Eliza
5. Wisdom to plan my time
6. Joy in all i do
7. A better memory
8....and that my hair will stop dropping

why this blog has been so dead

Because i have a lot more to write about Eliza than about myself..and even if it's abt me or ppl around me...it's still so related to Eliza in some way or another. Maybe one day i'll be back here to update stuff and keep it more alive.
Else...you can read more here.

robbed :(

My salary came early....and the bonus was a great bonus (which i wasn't expecting really..cos i don't really expect small private companies to even give 13th month bonus...oh but my company is different...considering it is closed for 14 days(!!!) so cool rite?) ok but because it came so early i didn't expect it...and the amount i always maintain in that bank to 'avoid' monthly deduction (loong story that i don't wanna elaborate here)...is suddenly beefed up. and in 3 days my bank account surged up and got sucked out of it's life. :(

now i have to survive on less than my normal amount of money for the next 1 1/2 months. *wail*

Temporaily not blogging here

Currently my life is revolving mostly around Eliza...especially as i do my confinement...which is around 1 month. So watever i blog is mostly about Eliza...which you can find more here, her own blog...or my pregnancy blog which is now all-abt-Eliza-blog.

but...some pics... :)

Eliza when she's awake...lots and lots of expressions..maybe i'll do a whole photo series of her expressions....


Daddy bottle-feeding her...

Her fast asleep in my arms...


Me & Eliza


Ahhh~~~

Waiting

It's been a week and i have taken leave off work, so i've not been at work the whole week. It was a great time to rest and really just get bored. Maybe it's the time before the storm when i'll be really busy once baby Eliza arrives. Sometimes it gets kinda weird waiting...because i feel like i forget what i'm waiting for. I've read my stuff, prepared what i could prepare, so...what else is there? I've also gotten used to my size that i do really sleep quite well most of the time. :P so I'm just waiting for the real thing. 

Still i need to submit to God that His timing for Eliza to come out is His good timing, something i cannot predict, something i have almost no control over (unless i decide to go for a c-section..which i don't want to). still we'll see how on monday when we go to the gynae for my next appt, whether to wait out another week or to induce. it would prob drive me nuts if i have to wait another week. haaa..but at least i know Eliza's safe and growing healthy inside. honestly Eliza's really quite active, esp at night. and i'll feel my belly and watched amused at her nudging around inside me. 

you know God is so deep and mysterious that somehow man still don't really know what really starts off labour naturally. pregnancy is one beauty and mystery of life that God created to create man. from how the cells combine, how the body changes to accommodate growing a new life (all that hormones, extra blood flow, placenta, etc etc etc), and how He has created the body of a women to bring this new life in us into the world and to give food only suited for a baby. amazing! 

ok, so i'll await in patience for the time, going into labour is not something i can predict, only God knows, and it's His beautiful time. See u soon Eliza! 

Happy 2yrs to us!

It's been a long while...i've wrapped up my work stuff and somewhat ready to wait for Eliza's arrival.

And what best to do is start my maternity leave even before Eliza's here...and on our 2yr anniversary day. Not that we're doing much today, juz gonna spend our evening watching rented movies. We're tired of eating...or spending on eating too good food. Tho we had thought of going back to Club Chinois for their extravagant dinner...then again, mayb not..gotta save money.

I juz wonder what i'm gonna do the whole week if she doesn't want to come out till after sunday. gosh!!

Meanwhile...
- eat some healthy food. i love Cedele's meals but they aren't cheap...so juz an occasional indulgence. Salad: pear, celery, walnuts. Sandwich: rosemary chicken with cranberry
. and errr...ice chocolate. :P

- Ww's oldest nephew turns 5. we had fun with them while they're arnd. and Alger the youngest of the 3 is getting into character and being very cute. no.2 is still ever a chatterbox, he can't stop talking.

- we're sorting out of finances....which is quite a lot of numbers to work out. :( gets so confusing at times but Ww enjoys it.
- 2 couples got proposed this week! so excited for them. :D one exciting and elaborate proposal on thursday which i think next time such proposals, if done with the help of friends should get videoed down. oh but i'm so excited for them!!
- mum & sis is going to be back frm Atlanta tonight...yays!!! i should be able to stay awake to pick them up from the airport (with the help of Ww's dad & Ww)
- my feet are sore :( from too much walking on sunday. i dun feel like walking much anymore!!! it's carrying like 14-15kg of weight frm normal.
- i'm sick of reading up on pregnancy & babycare books. i think i read too much but i can't remem much either....oh dear....

birthdays and food

birthdays are great spending time to eat...so it was really quite an eatful 2 weeks for birthdays, weddings and our anniversary (1 yr 11 mths).
we celebrated Ww's birthday early eating at our fav fish&co, with our fav dish seafood platter for 2..and cakes after that at Cafe Cartel..this one is nice!!!

we don't usually give big stuff for birthdays...but cards and a lil stuff...so he found this lil magnet bear to add on to our fridge bears, now there's 3 of them! (our lil family)


and it's the family celebration cos Alger's birthday, (youngest of Ww's nephews), is just one day b4 his. and obviously they're not gonna get a generic cake...so both of them shares a CARs ice-cream cake...
the boys looking longingly at the cake

and me looking really fat...ooo..i've gained 12.3kg so far.


and many more other eat outs Ww has with his friends, and his lots of marshmallows he bought for his class

and last of it all yesterday had another bout of cake..this time bitter choc cake...which was a lil too sweet but he looked excited eating it anyway..time to lose more weight dear!




so i'm being slower nowadays, and reading some nov mums on the forum going to be due soon or some who has already delivered! gosh...

i'm still trying to slow down so as much as possible so i need to go home after work (no outings, extra stuff or dinners), to just rest. though rest is illusive sometimes, because it's just as difficult to get to sleep and it's not so easy to just fall asleep like how i used to. so i'll be tired but unable to figure out how to rest.
4 more weeks to go! we're praying Eliza comes out just nice around 1st week of the holidays, esp since my mum & sis will be overseas on my week 38 and not anytime after EDD (cos Ww will be very busy with courses and school stuff then). feels like the last lap of a marathon...and looking forward to our darling baby. :)