I'm wondering how to help. But i'm as at a loss as he is. All communications cut off...email, hp, msn. whell...for some, u just need some response..and all you can do is wait...and what if she doesn't reply? then you con't to wait aimlessly. communication is quite a tricky thing to do in the first place....and worse when you're separated by seas. so unless you take a plane...whell..there's little chance of talking face-to-face...worse when she doesn't want to even talk to him at all.
whell...in the first place...he's dumb enough to provoke her...frm my little knowledge i know, he wrote a mean email to her when he didn't hear frm her for 3 days. according to him, he missed her so much and till he got angry and that's why he wrote the mean email. (i really am not sure whether he's waiting for her to call him, or he called her and couldn't get her). and so his imagination started to run wild...worried that something happended to her or she did something to betray him or watever. so the nasty email...whell...writing a nasty email is one thing....mentioning divorce is another. i was like...that's the last thing you should ever ever say!!! really leh. how can? now then he regret having to say that when he didn't mean it at all. one of the things we learn in our marriage couselling was to not mention to your spouse to divorce him/her...esp in a fit of anger & when u don't mean it...mentioning it just goes to show how much the marriage means to you. and for the other party who doesn't feel the same, you never know how much hurt it causes. how powerful our tongue can be. anyway she said ok to the divorce...and after that insisted on it, seems quite adamant frm his point of view. frm her point of view...she says she's sick of his nonsense already. and that's when he kinda went bersek....saying lots of things to threaten her, and then saying that she's his everything and he can't do without her...i think things did get a kinda violent. so it also freaked her out big time too. if he had never said it and went on to do those foolish stuff then things would have been easier to resolve. anyway it doesn't help that they enbitter each other with all the name-calling and the hurting.
honestly i'm glad i got to talk to my friend just that once online to get to hear her side of the story...(one should never hear one side of a couple's story...it's always different...and usually skewed to the benefit of the person telling it). but i'm also sad that things have to end up to be like this...over a small she-didn't-call-me-for-3-days-so-i'm-pissed-and-want-to-divorce-her issue. then again...i think it's a spark to uncover the underlying cracks that weren't resolved earlier. hai.... if she didn't think they won't be together till the end then why marry? i asked her what happened to the vows they made to each other... and him? dunneed to ask the guy le...i ask him now he'll surely say he's willing to do all things to get her back. dunno lah...sometimes i feel that the things he say a bit juvenile....i'm not saying it's bad...but like he loves her and want to make her happy only (then why all the hurting words and the threats?), and that only when she's happy will he be happy...and he say he'll always give in to her so that she'll be happy. dunno leh...i kinda feel a lil uncomfortable if my guy was like that...pls hava some mind of your own can? i'm a lil irritated that he asks me everytime when i'm online what he should do, what he should do, what he should do...and whether he should really give up, wheather he should leave her....argh. i suggested stuff. but now i really dunno...i can't make the choice for him! of course i wouldn't want to see them end up in a divorce....and without talking much about it. it's like asking for a divorce thru sms...how absurd can it be?
hai...anyway i wonder what's the marraige vows like at ROM...i know it's a lil different frm the one we say it in church...and somehow it's hard to talk about the purpose of marriage and the greater significance of it without Godly perspective of it.
the rest of this blog is long coz i kinda copied out parts of the wedding liturgy...which is quite a refreshing reminder for me and a joy of reading it again because of its significance of the many things said and done in a wedding ceremony. and unless you're gonna get married you aren't really gonna read it anyway. and if you are...sometimes in the excitement of it all, you'll only remember (hopefully) the things that you need to say (like me...and i had to read aka memorize the chinese one). and if you attend a wedding...what you've heard you'll probably just forget...after all there's so much to be said in the whole ceremony you can study it!
meanwhile, i pray that God will heal the relationship b/w this couple...only He knows what to do and what will happen.
so anyway...some parts of the anglican marraige liturgy...:
"We have come together in the presence of God to witness and bless the joining together of this man and this woman in Holy Matrimony. The bond and covenant of marriage was established by God in creation, and our Lord Jesus Christ adorned this manner of life by his presence and first miracle at a wedding in Cana of Galilee. It signifies to us the mystery of the union between Christ and his Church, and Holy Scripture commends it to be honored among all people.
The union of husband and wife in heart, body, and mind is intended by God for their mutual joy; for the help and comfort given one another in prosperity and adversity; and, when it is God's will, for the procreation of children and their nurture in the knowledge and love of the Lord. Therefore, marriage is not to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly, but reverently, deliberately, and in accordance with the purposes for which it was instituted by God."
...
THE DECLARATION OF CONSENT
W., will you have this man to be you husband; to live together in the covenant of marriage ? Will you love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health, and, forsaking all others, be faithful to him as long as you both shall live?
....
M., will you have this woman to be your wife; to live together in the covenant of marriage ? Will you love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health, and, forsaking all others, be faithful to her as long as you both shall live?
...
THE MARRIAGE
The Man, facing the woman and taking her right hand in his, says
In the Name of God, I, M., take you, W., to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death. This is my solemn vow.
Then they loose their hands, and the Woman, still facing the man, takes his right hand in hers, and says
In the Name of God, I, W., take you, M., to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death. This is my solemn vow.
They loose their hands.
The Priest may ask God's blessing on a ring or rings as follows
Bless, O Lord, this ring to be a sign of the vows by which this man and this woman have bound themselves to each other; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
The giver places the ring on the ring-finger of the other's hand and says
W./M., I give you this ring as a symbol of my vow, and with all that I am, and all that I have, I honor you, in the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit (or: in the Name of God).
Then the Celebrant joins the right hands of the husband and wife and says
Now that W. and M. have given themselves to each other by solemn vows, with the joining of hands and the giving and receiving of a ring, I pronounce that they are husband and wife, in the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.
Those whom God has joined together let no one put asunder.
......
The Deacon or other person appointed reads the following prayers, to which the People respond, saying, Amen.
Let us pray.
Eternal God, creator and preserver of all life, author of salvation, and giver of all grace: Look with favor upon the world you have made, and for which your Son gave his life, and especially upon this man and this woman whom you make one flesh in Holy Matrimony. Amen.
Give them wisdom and devotion in the ordering of their common life, that each may be to the other a strength in need, a counselor in perplexity, a comfort in sorrow, and a companion in joy. Amen.
Grant that their wills may be so knit together in your will, and their spirits in your spirit, that they may grow in love and peace with you and one another all the days of their life. Amen.
Give them grace, when they hurt each other, to recognize and acknowledge their fault, and to seek each other's forgiveness and yours. Amen.
Make their life together a sign of Christ's love to this sinful and broken world, that unity may overcome estrangement, forgiveness heal guilt, and joy conquer despair. Amen.
] Bestow on them, if it is your will, the gift and heritage of
] children, and the grace to bring them up to know you, to
] love you, and to serve you. Amen.
Give them such fulfillment of their mutual affection that they may reach out in love and concern for others. Amen.
Grant that all married persons who have witnessed these vows may find their lives strengthened and their loyalties confirmed. Amen.
Grant that the bonds of our common humanity, by which all your children are united one to another, and the living to the dead, may be so transformed by your grace, that your will may be done on earth as it is in heaven; where, O Father, with your Son and the Holy Spirit, you live and reign in perfect unity, now and for ever. Amen."
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